Welcome to Mosquito Bites, the #1 fine-dining guide for the modern, sophisticated mosquito. Whether you're a backyard biter, a seasoned neck-nibbler, or just looking for a fresh Type O vintage, we've got everything you need to suck smarter, not harder.
What We Offer
🩸 A Blood Menu Like No Other – From rich, full-bodied B- to the ever-classy A+, we curate the tastiest human selections for every mosquito’s craving. Looking for something with a hint of caffeine? Try our Espresso Enthusiastspecial. Need a little extra sugar? Our Dessert Blood Sampler is just for you.
📍 Top-Tier Biting Locations – Avoid the dreaded slap of doom with our expert tips on where to bite, when to bite, and who to bite. We rank humans based on taste, reaction speed, and general swattability, so you can enjoy a stress-free snack every time.
🍷 Perfect Pairings – Not sure what to sip on with your latest meal? We provide expert pairing advice to match the perfect blood type with your ideal ambiance. (Hint: Marathon runner blood has a nice electrolyte fizz—pairs well with a humid summer night!)
Our Mission
At Mosquito Bites, we believe every mosquito deserves an elegant, high-class dining experience, free from bug zappers, citronella, and those annoying humans who think waving their arms wildly is an effective defense.
Our Motto
"Suck it up, sip it slow, and never get caught."
So go ahead, land with confidence, drink with sophistication, and let Mosquito Bites be your wingman for every meal.
Bug Appétit! 🦟🍷💉
